Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
