So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
