this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
