We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
