Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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