every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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