I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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