I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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