Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
