I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
