i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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