You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize