Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
