I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
