I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize