That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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