She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
