This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
