____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
