Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
