i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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