She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize