I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
