Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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