wrigley field is MILF paradise
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
