I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
