guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You may now shotgun with the bride
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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