Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
