we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What a dumb baby whore.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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