You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
