FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I party with great urgency now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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