I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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