I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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