He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
