Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
