He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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