I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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