ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
