I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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