I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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