Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
