hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
