Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
