Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
