you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
