When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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