Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize