I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
