Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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