I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hippo gnu deer
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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