i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
sick fucks of a feather flock together
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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