I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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