A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
