I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
