I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
