420 ftw
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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