12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
