Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
