So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
