as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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