Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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