my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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