Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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