Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
